So new year's eve eve, I watched Julie and Julia, and it encouraged me to start a blog that I would write about every day, which has a goal at the end! So this is my start for my quest to find love. Im not sure if I can "make" love happen but I think for now im just going to write about all my adventures and the quest to find it. More like a journal and maybe one day ill find it, but all the funny stories that Im going through to find it I would like to remember and look back. To my readers out there, someone told me that I am very blessed because I have experienced love in a full circle, I once (not proud to say) had broken someone's heart, although while did it I had no idea what it felt like to actually have my heart broken, then it happened I had my heart broken and how different I started to see love once that happened. I realized that once your heart has been broken it is very hard to want to love another person again. But more recently ive sort of moved on…I have not given completely up on love, but I have actually been on this mission or race to find it, keep it, and want to have a life with love. Weird? Yes for me a little I think I have actually developed an obsession to find it! It has at times consumed me and the older I am getting the more obsessed I am to find it. For two years I have been on this mission. I want to be in love and get married and have a life. I think its cause I am ready, im almost done with school (its taken a while, but in may or july), and ive moved out, I love myself, and Im a complete person. Whats next, I feel like I just need another person to share my "complete" life with. Im ready to share my life and grow old with someone, more like a life partner and/or best friend.
Well I guess I need to start on my current state. I was recently dating this guy, we will call him Gator. Gator and I had been dating for about a month and a half. We met online, on a dating service in October. He was the first guy to email me and I hadn't even registered so I couldn't read the email, I didn't know who had emailed me or what it said but I was definitely curious to know who sent me one. So I subscribed and it was the Gator. It was such a simple email. So I checked out his profile, good looking guy, pretty smile and pretty blue eyes. I was intrigued plus one of the guys I knew, knew him well knew who he was (they worked together, but Gator was the authoritive figure) his profile was legit! So I was ok with this guy, and he gave me his number and I called him and we talked forever and I was really excited about this guy. We met…I was nervous. Well we went on one more date and it was ok, and then he started to act silly with me so I stepped back. Not only that but this guy that I had dated before my online dating quest, he was trying to be all nice and take me out and I fell for it and pushed the Gator away. Then I thought about it and the other guy made me mad so I went back to Gator and fell for him. He has a couple of flaws but was where I wanted a person I would want a relationship to be. So that's where are dating started. And after a month of steadily dating each other; well things have changed and he seems to be concerned about what he really wants. So now we are on a break, no communication until he "knows" that he doesn't want me for sure. I had to tell him it was all in or nothing. So…this leaves me waiting. Its been one whole day; im nervous. I know its only a month. But im tired of looking, I want to give up. I feel alone, for the first time and I feel like im getting old and I want a change of pace. For almost 3 years I have been dating and dating and dating. Online was and is my last resort and im still not finding what I want. Where else is there to look? I want a change of pace with someone, and am questioning many things in the process. Its hard to be patient, but if the Gator doesn't work out. I really don't know what other options I have. I know, I need to be patient and when im not looking it will happen, but I who wants to hear that. I want it now. Thus this blog, im going to write and maybe somewhere along the lines I will find what it is that im looking for. So here it goes…
